September 12 2012 – Credit

NOTE: Originally the main character was just called MAN, but after reading this piece of weirdness through, I decided I had basically accidentally written a part of a spec script for Louie so I changed his name. **Possible trigger warning for some body image talk.**

Credit

Hold music in the dark for several seconds. Then lights snap up on LOUIE and VOICE 1 on the phone (just face out and speak – no props or miming).

VOICE 1
Ownage Financial Capital Solutions thank you for holding this is Operator Thalydimide 12 B speaking can I have your name-number please

LOUIE
My, sorry?

VOICE 1
Name-number, name-number

LOUIE
My-

VOICE 1 (Sigh)
Name-number

LOUIE
What is that, what are you asking me for.

VOICE 1
YOUR FUCKING NAME-NUMBER

LOUIE
Whoah! I just got this letter to call this number and give you a reference number, is that what you’re looking for?

VOICE 1
Did I say reference number, pussy?

LOUIE
I- No.

VOICE 1
Wait, is this for a credit card application?

LOUIE
Yes, yes!

VOICE 1
How did you get this number.

LOUIE
The…letter you sent.

VOICE 1
I’ll put you through to the credit card division. I didn’t mention blast radiuses, kill ratios or payloads did I?

LOUIE
I don’t think so.

VOICE 1
That’s right I didn’t.

LOUIE
That’s…I’m glad.

VOICE 1
This call never happened. We’re listening.

Blackout. Hold music.

LOUIE (In the dark)
Jesus.

Lights up

VOICE 2 (Same actor, different voice)
Ownage Capital Crustacean Financial Sensation Solutions, this is Operator Depo Provera Jackson 94 Zed comin atcha, what’s your twenty, sugar?

LOUIE
Hi-

VOICE 2
Mmm-HM.

LOUIE
They transferred me over here.

VOICE 2
Who.

LOUIE
…No one… I got a letter. To verify some information.

VOICE 2
Some INFORMATION

LOUIE
Information yeah.

VOICE 2
Some INFORMATION for your APPLICATION.

LOUIE
Yeah.

VOICE 2 does some beat-boxing. It’s pretty fucking good.

Uh…hello?

VOICE 2
Where did you transfer from YOU HAVE TO TELL ME!

LOUIE agonizes for a minute then decides to say nothing.

Okay, well played. I just need to verify a few things with you before we can discuss your account, okay, napkin-ring?

LOUIE
Uh…sure, awesome.

VOICE 2
Okay. So you’re kinda overweight, yeah?

LOUIE doesn’t know what to say.

It’s okay, it’s not a judge, I just need to verify, this is for YOUR SECURITY, and yeah you talk about body positivity and BMI is bullshit, and fit at any size, and Jesus you probably even mean it when you talk about other people, that sounds right, but where YOU’RE concerned? As FAR as you’re concerned? Fuck no. You are overweight. And it makes you sad, and frustrated with yourself that you can’t even get a handle on the basic chemistry of your own body to stave off the excess GROWTH, and you are glad when people who care about you call you up and express concern that you’ve become guarded, that you’re kind of hiding, but you’re also pretty sure they know WHY you’re doing it and are sort of grateful and relieved that you’ve freed them of the burden of your actual physical presence, and if they were honest for one second that’s what they’d tell you, and you can’t even really hold it against them, is that correct?

LOUIE
…uuuhhh.

VOICE 2
Can you confirm this?

LOUIE
I’d really rather not.

VOICE 2
Great, thank you for confirming that information, I’ll put you through.

LOUIE
I-

Blackout. Hold music.

Jesus.

Lights up.

VOICE 3 (Same actor, little old lady voice)
Hellooo?

LOUIE
Uh, hi?

VOICE 3
Lyle? Is that you?

LOUIE
No.

VOICE 3
Oh.

Beat.

Geeerald? When are you coming to visit me? I’m almost out of casseroles.

LOUIE
I was transferred from Ownage…Financial…something, about my credit card application, they must have accidentally-

VOICE 3
No, no, I have your information here.

Pause.

LOUIE
Great, so…

VOICE 3
You grew up on a military base in Winnipeg.

LOUIE
Uh…huh…

VOICE 3
You were friends with a boy named Sean Brown.

LOUIE
Oh my god yes!

VOICE 3
You’d play in the playground right across the street from his house.

LOUIE
Oh god, yes, on this…it was like a metal pole with all these arms sticking out with discs on the end, all different colours and you could walk up these discs like a spiral staircase to nowhere!

VOICE 3
Playgrounds used to be so dangerous, they were really better that way.

LOUIE
I agree!

VOICE 3
And one day you pushed Sean off the top of these discs.

LOUIE (Wincing at the memory)
Ooooh, god I did! Ooooh!

VOICE 3
A terrible uncontrolled fall of…oh, easily ten feet. And he landed very awkwardly.

LOUIE
Jesus I remember that, kind of…collarbone-first on his side!

VOICE 3
A very awkward landing. You were very lucky he just had the wind knocked out of him.

LOUIE
I thought I killed him for a second! He wasn’t moving and he wasn’t moving and then this GASP.

VOICE 3
And crying.

LOUIE
Oh god, howling.

VOICE 3
You never saw him again except occasionally at school. Some phone calls between the parents. You couldn’t explain to your parents why you did it.

LOUIE
I thought I could get away with it. That he wouldn’t get hurt or I wouldn’t get in trouble.

VOICE 3
Because he was black.

Silence.

LOUIE
No.

VOICE 3
He was. It’s here in my file.

LOUIE
No, that wasn’t-

VOICE 3
Still is.

LOUIE
That wasn’t the reason! There was no reason!

Pause.

VOICE 3
Are you SURE?

Pause.

Are you SURE that’s not why?

LOUIE
I just pushed him, I didn’t think, I was eight!

VOICE 3
Sean is here with me.

LOUIE says nothing.

He’s here with me and he’d very much like to hear you apologize.

Pause.

LOUIE
I was calling about my credit ca-

VOICE 3
This is just for verification.

LOUIE
I…Can I speak to him?

VOICE 3
No. But he can hear you. He’s on speaker phone. He just wants to hear you say you’re sorry. You’re sorry that you pushed him.

LOUIE
I am

VOICE 3
Pushed him off the disc tower, because he was black.

LOUIE says nothing for a very long time.

He’s had a very hard life since then.

LOUIE
I’m, you know, I don’t believe he’s there-

VOICE 3
Oh he is.

LOUIE
But I don’t believe you, and I think you’re lying to me, and I am sorry I did that, but it wasn’t…racially motivated, I wasn’t, at that time, and yes, I’m SURE, I’m sure of that, so I can’t…be sorry for that, for that part, because that wouldn’t be honest.

Silence.

VOICE 3
Your credit card application has been denied.

LOUIE
Of course it has.

VOICE 3
Because you’re an awful person.

LOUIE
I don’t disagree. But not because of that.

VOICE 3
Sean is silently crying. Next to me. Here.

LOUIE
Fantastic.

VOICE 3
His eyes are full of tears, but his face is totally calm, no grimacing or unmanly wailing.

LOUIE
I withdraw my application.

VOICE 3
Such a brave boy.

LOUIE
I don’t…please DON’T give me credit, I don’t want it anymore.

VOICE 3
So strong.

LOUIE
Goodbye.

Blackout.

VOICE 3 (In dark, whispered)
I’m so sorry, Sean…

Creative Commons License
This work by Ryan F. Hughes is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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