September 19 2012 – I’m Hoping You Can Help Me

I’m Hoping You Can Help Me

Call centre. Phone rings. This startles the OPERATOR.

OPERATOR
Uuuuhh…

Looks around, confused. It keeps ringing.

Ooooh-kaaaay.

Answers.

Ownage Financial Capital Solutions, this is-

CALLER
I’m hoping you can help me!

OPERATOR
Wwwwe don’t do that.

CALLER
But you’re a call centre.

OPERATOR
We’re outbound we don’t take calls normally.

CALLER
Okay well my case is special-

OPERATOR
There’s not even a number to call.

CALLER
Oh, I just picked up the phone and wished.

Beat.

OPERATOR
Well, unless you want someone to tell you about our credit cards-

CALLER
No I just want some advice.

OPERATOR
I…don’t have…any advice. Training.

CALLER
Oh.

OPERATOR
Outside of about credit cards, no. And I’ve got scripts for those.

Beat.

CALLER
Well…

OPERATOR
Sorry.

CALLER
Well…I’m just gonna ask you anyway.

OPERATOR
Well no, I just told-

CALLER
Uh huh, but you’re not really allowed to hang up, are you?

Beat.

Might be recorded.

Beat.

OPERATOR
What is your question.

CALLER
Do you think I should go back to school?

Beat.

OPERATOR
Sure.

CALLER
Really.

OPERATOR
Yes. Unless you want to wind up at an outbound call centre.

CALLER
Oh jesus, good point.

OPERATOR
Anything else.

CALLER
I’m afraid to break up with this guy. He doesn’t treat me like he likes me, and I don’t like him much but I think we’re maybe just scared of change?

OPERATOR
Is this Stacy?

CALLER
No.

OPERATOR
Are you trying to trick me?

CALLER
No!

OPERATOR
‘Cause that shit’s on you! You want the big red button pushed, YOU push the big red button!

CALLER
I’m not Stacy.

OPERATOR
Okay. Just had to be sure.

CALLER
Cool. So…?

OPERATOR
Just do what’s easiest. If you’re gonna be in school, you’ll barely be around anyway. Why create extra stress.

CALLER
…Okay. Thanks.

OPERATOR
Anything else?

CALLER
When does this feeling of not being an adult yet go away?

Pause.

Hello?

OPERATOR
You get that?

CALLER
Not get, have.

Pause.

OPERATOR
Can I put you on hold? I’m gonna have to check with someone on that one.

CALLER
Sure.

OPERATOR
I’ll be like thirty seconds.

CALLER
Sure.

OPERATOR hits button, CALLER goes into “hold lighting”. OPERATOR hits another button, waits.

OPERATOR
Hey, hello, Mom? I’m at work.
No, no, nothing like that, no money.
Just a question.

Creative Commons License
This work by Ryan F. Hughes is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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