September 25 2012 – Kim’s Overwhelming Aura

Kim’s Overwhelming Aura

KIM and ELMER, at a party. KIM seems like a charming and pleasant lady, ELMER is standing uncomfortably close to her.

ELMER
I mean do you have any idea how difficult it is to feel so close to someone?

KIM
Uh-

ELMER
Just every day all the time. I think about you so hard you kind of manifest. Like just when I’m sorting the mail. Behind and slightly above me. And just off to my left. And not full scale, either, kind of pocket sized. Not shirt pocket sized maybe, but definitely sweatpant pocket sized. Roughly smurf-sized. Three-or-so apples.

KIM
I like these shrimp things, have you tried them?

ELMER
Like the hologram of Leia, in the fourth movie.

KIM is looking ANYWHERE else.

Did you hear what I said to you, I compared you to Leia in the fourth movie.

KIM
First movie, fourth chapter.

She realizes her mistake just as it leaves her lips. ELMER’s heart grows three sizes, and he somehow manages to get even closer, despite the lack of space between them already.

ELMER
You see? You see? My god you are the perfect woman. Listen I think we need to discuss what’s happening between us.

KIM
You really smell like your drink when you’re talking.

ELMER
That’s the only reason I can even talk to you right now. Listen, I know things could be awkward if we ever…you know…

KIM
They could, they really would-

ELMER
You’ve got a kid.

KIM
But I don’t think we need to worry-

ELMER
My wife’s around here somewhere.

KIM
Because we’re both adults.

ELMER
You’re just as fuckin sexy and cool as a lady assassin.

KIM
I think there’s a really cool place to stand about two feet behind you.

Beat.

ELMER
Okay.

Beat.

Will you come with me?

KIM
Uh.

ELMER
Would that be like a date, going there?

KIM
Two feet…that way?

ELMER
Maybe if we held hands?

KIM
Listen-

ELMER
You’re not all that pretty you know.

Beat.

Like conventionally. You’re oldish, and your body is nice but you can tell you’ve had a kid. So like there’s lots of areas where you could take points off.

KIM
Okay I’ve got to see where you take this.

ELMER
But not to me.

KIM
Aha.

ELMER
Not to me, you see, that stuff…it’s not even that that stuff’s not important, but I am totally willing to waive that stuff.

KIM
Aw gee!

ELMER
Largely due to your aura. Which is overwhelming. I don’t think you understand what it feels like to be overwhelmed so systematically.

KIM
Oh, I-

ELMER
So it’s not important. Your body’s not perfect, as we covered, but that stuff isn’t important, like it shouldn’t be important.

KIM
But it is.

Beat.

I mean, I don’t think it’s shallow to need to be…attracted to a person. We have these bodies, and they’re not this other thing that we drive around, they are us, as much as our mind is, and our feelings and ideas. Like we can’t just disregard them.

ELMER
Is it that you don’t like my body?

Pause.

KIM
Yeah, it’s your body, I extremely do not enjoy it.

ELMER
Well, that’s not very polite, I totally overlook your imperfections-

KIM
Which I never asked you to.

ELMER
Is it all the hair all over everything?

KIM
No, you know it’s more the uncomfortable proximity. And the ears don’t seem to work. And just…generally…it contains…you. It’s a part of the totality of you, and I’d say overall, on a physical and emotional and kind of olfactory level, this whole you thing is not a thing I’m into. At all. Under any circumstances.

ELMER
Bet if I got you drunk enough.

KIM
I am extremely drunk right now, and if anything it only strengthens my resolve.

Pause.

ELMER
You basically just destroyed my feelings.

KIM
Is it reassuring if I say they weren’t doing you any favours, and you could look at this as a chance to start again with some new ones?

ELMER cries. He is just as close as ever but behaves as if he is alone. She watches him weep for a while. Perhaps a tray of drinks goes by and she takes one.

ELMER (Still weeping)
I’m Elmer. I’m in Communications.

KIM
Kim. Marketing.

ELMER
It was nice to finally talk to you Kim.

KIM
I’m sorry it didn’t go better.

ELMER
Are you.

KIM
Well, I’m more sorry it happened. But…

He continues to cry. She slowly creeps away.

Creative Commons License
This work by Ryan F. Hughes is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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